2019 · Bariatric Surgery - My Story · Depression · family · friends · Grief · Random Stuff · Random Thoughts · thoughts · Uncategorized · WLS

There

Trying to stay in the moment. Shari is the one in the middle, and Hank’s precious wife. I love these women. Yesterday was a hard day, but glorious in the way Hank touched so many lives. I am thankful for being his friend.

What I don’t like is how I look in this picture. I feel as though I am huge. I know that I shouldn’t even be thinking this but when I first saw this I immediately thought about my size.

There. We were there when we needed to be. I will be there when I need to be for Shari and her family. I need to just to not obsess about this. Ugh!

Struggling.

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2018 · Anxiety · blessings · Christmas · Depression · Empty Nest · family · Holiday · memories · Merry Christmas · Random Thoughts · thankful · traditions · Uncategorized · Work-job

Merry Christmas Eve

This picture was from last year. Everyone was home and we were able to celebrate as a family.

Stephen’s work schedule (and now that he has moved out) it is harder to see him. When we spoke about it last night, he wasn’t sure that he would be able to come by to celebrate Christmas until New Year’s Day.

It’s hard for those who work in the holidays to be able to spend time with family and friends. I don’t normally think about those that are working when I shop or eat out until I have someone close to me that is going through it.

Holidays are not always a happy time for most. It is stressful and typically has disappointments from unmet expectations. When the kids were small, they shared the holiday with my ex husband. I really didn’t want to even have a tree up if they weren’t home but I knew that when they did get home they would want it. Being separated from loved ones over a holiday is so very difficult.

All of this to say, hug your loved ones. Enjoy the moments you are able to have with one another, and remember the greatest gift.

Blessings.

Affirmations · Bariatric Surgery - My Story · Bible verse · college · Depression · Faith · goal · Goals · Uncategorized · WLS

Stay

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Lately I have been struggling with what others say I don’t have.  Today I woke up with what I have accomplished.  My positivity came back.  I am staying in the direction that I feel God has led me on since the beginning.  Just because I don’t like what I am hearing, or what others are saying doesn’t mean that God may lead me to stay the course instead.

College has been hard (for me with working full time).  Most of the time it is too much work, that it is too hard.  I want to walk away –sometimes (okay most of the time).  But I come back to “I am not a quitter.  I am a finisher!”   I need to put blinders on and concentrate on the end goal.  Just because I won’t finish college in the typical four years doesn’t mean I won’t finish.  A seven-and-a-half year college plan is a goal, right?  Semester after semester, just to keep plowing way, one class here, maybe two classes there.  Then one day, I will wake up and realize I have a degree.  But I won’t get there if I quit.

I won’t get to my weight goal if I keep thinking that eating cheese puffs and Chardonnay for dinner is healthy either.  I need to put the green, leafy vegetables in my mouth, drink water, and exercise for the plan to work.  Again, the goal of weight loss isn’t easy.  My gastric sleeve surgery was a tool to help me lose the weight, not for me to gain it back in a year.  I didn’t go through surgery to fail.

Every day is a new opportunity to succeed.  I felt deflated yesterday.  I cried yesterday.  Self pity is not pretty, but we all go through it.  Today is a new day.  I am planting new seeds.

Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. — Galatians 6:9 ESV

Beginning again.

college · Courage · Depression · Quotes · Random Stuff · Random Thoughts · storms · Uncategorized · venting · words

Deflated

Yesterday afternoon I became deflated.  I am 95 percent of the time a happy, encouraging person.  I try to be that way with others, looking to the glass half full, to be positive.  God has a plan, and I work that plan.  I might not always agree with that plan, but I hang in there whatever the case might be.

And, I believe that He does have a plan.  I just feel flat.  That everything that I have worked for means nothing without a degree (work).  Of course, where I work is a state college, and that degree matters, and I so know that!  Don’t get me wrong.  It takes courage to say this –I am sad.

I have a technical degree from (an accredited school) thirty years ago that won’t transfer.  Again, that is okay.  My past brought me here, and I am thankful of my path for it has made me who I am.  But I am feeling worthless today.

I will be fine.  I will get through this.  There are much worse things out there, and we are fine!! I am not stating any of this for pity, or attention.  I am stating this for reality.  Because not everyday is bright and shiny.   I treasure every moment, and love my struggles (even algebra).  Oh, and I am still taking classes.  I will get that degree – it may take me a while – but I will get it.

So, no pity. Just needed to vent.  And this too shall pass.

shall pass

Thanks.

Anthony Bourdain · Depression · food · FoodTV · lupus · Parts Unknown · Uncategorized

Anthony Bourdain

Again.  This has to stop.  Please call someone – anyone for help.

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If you’re struggling, please know you are never alone. Reach out. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ‘1-800-273-TALK (8255)’. 

As I love all things food, I truly loved watching Parts Unknown.  We would binge watch especially when I was couch bound due to my fatigue/joint pain from Lupus on the weekends.  I would watch for hours, and then become suddenly inspired to try to come up with something new in the kitchen.  This didn’t always work, and sometimes we would order out Chinese food.

Bourdain’s personality, ego, and at the same time, humility was inspiring to watch as he mingled with the people in the places he explored.  He would showcase cooks, farmers, and family members–just what I would consider everyday people.  But he would expose them for the greatness that they truly are.  He saw that greatness in them.

Thank you for that sir.  We will miss you.

Again, so many of us struggle.  Please call and talk to someone —anyone.

 

 

 

 

Depression · Kate Spade · NAMI · Purses · Uncategorized

Kate Spade

Kate Spade quote

I have always loved Kate Spade designs whether it be in purses, china or clothing.  I have yet to be able to wear her clothing (a major goal of mine) but I can carry her purses!

If you or someone you know is feeling distressed, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness for more information.  There are people here to help!

I struggle.  I am, know, and love people that struggle with depression.  Please ask for help.