I have been feeling overwhelmed the past couple of days.
I feel as though I have taken on too much…at work and at home. Nothing is getting a hundred percent of me. I feel as though I am not even giving seventy percent to anything.
Home or personal…class –ugh! I signed up for a couch to 5k…feeling completely defeated as my hips are killing me today. I should have been at practice last night but instead took a bath. Class…ya not currently in the mood which isn’t helping.
Work…too many things coming at once and I actually feel trapped. I am able to do my job but feel as though I can’t keep up with what is coming at me (not able to do what needs to get done at the best of my ability).
Too much right now…trying to breathe.
This month means a lot in different ways for all of us. For me, it is the beginning of College Football.
College Football started this past Thursday (officially) although for us it was Saturday. Loved being able to spend time with friends earlier in the day, and then to have time to make snacks/dinner for the family was really wonderful. I made my pimento dip, million dollar dip and crab and artichoke (hot) dip. It was so yummy! I hated having to turn on the oven with it being 90 plus degrees outside. I haven’t made the crab artichoke dip in a long while. I don’t always seem to make it the same way…what we have on hand I suppose. College Football is almost like a religion in the South. I have missed it so…
I’m moving from a five bedroom unit at my apartment complex to a one bedroom, and I’m so excited to have my own space and control over the cleanliness and silence. But before I get to the new unit, I have to pack up my stuff at my current one.
This makes me think of the part of the Incredibles where Helen is talking to Bob on the phone about unpacking and she says “why do we have so much junk?”. This line sums up my thought process during packing. Seriously considering donating half the stuff in my room (not really but it would make moving so much easier).
The big plus-side to all of this is that I’m not moving to a new state, or across town, so I don’t need to meticulously pack the breakables and all of that. My winter clothes and purses and soft things are literally in trash bags just so I can easily transport them.
I’ve also recruited some friends to help me move, because my family has to work or something lame like that. Since there’s no furniture involved, technically I could do it on my own because I’m #independent, but there is no way I can get my mini fridge from my upstairs room downstairs. And it would take me 12 hours to move, but with help it might take one.
When I think about moving in the middle of August in Louisiana, I sweat. But then I think of my how happy I’ll be once I’m in my one bedroom apartment, and the air conditioning it will have.
What are your thoughts on moving?
During what seems like ages ago, back in junior year of high school, I got tired of the yellow-beige color of my room that came with the house when we moved in. So I took the Tiffany box I had to Lowe’s, matched the color for wall paint, and bought the supplies I needed to paint my room. No one in the family would help, no matter how much my 17 year old self tried to convince them to (I’m sure that went professionally). It took a few months of moving furniture and sleeping on the couch, but I painted my room all by myself #grownup.
Fast forward to present day. Stephen is living in my room, and it’s actually kind of funny to see his gaming stuff and clothes in this Tiffany blue room. Well, he’s moving out again, and I was just starting to think of visits home in MY bed in MY room, NOT on the comfy air mattress (not sarcasm – it’s actually really soft), when Mom said that they’re painting it grey (excuse me?!) and putting my stuff in the attic (NO).
Mom already painted Stephen’s original room grey for the craft room. Help me keep my Tiffany box room alive, and stop Mom from painting the house grey. One room is just fine. The whole upstairs? No.
My parents want to make my room a guest room, but I’m their only guest…? Can’t I just take my economics class in peace this summer? I feel a flail coming along.
Disclaimer: I’m going to be okay with this. I don’t have to help my brother move out, and Mom said they’re moving my stuff in the attic. Didn’t say I had to do it. Or paint the room again. As long as I’m welcome to come home and my stuff isn’t on the lawn, I’m happy.
Lately I have been struggling with what others say I don’t have. Today I woke up with what I have accomplished. My positivity came back. I am staying in the direction that I feel God has led me on since the beginning. Just because I don’t like what I am hearing, or what others are saying doesn’t mean that God may lead me to stay the course instead.
College has been hard (for me with working full time). Most of the time it is too much work, that it is too hard. I want to walk away –sometimes (okay most of the time). But I come back to “I am not a quitter. I am a finisher!” I need to put blinders on and concentrate on the end goal. Just because I won’t finish college in the typical four years doesn’t mean I won’t finish. A seven-and-a-half year college plan is a goal, right? Semester after semester, just to keep plowing way, one class here, maybe two classes there. Then one day, I will wake up and realize I have a degree. But I won’t get there if I quit.
I won’t get to my weight goal if I keep thinking that eating cheese puffs and Chardonnay for dinner is healthy either. I need to put the green, leafy vegetables in my mouth, drink water, and exercise for the plan to work. Again, the goal of weight loss isn’t easy. My gastric sleeve surgery was a tool to help me lose the weight, not for me to gain it back in a year. I didn’t go through surgery to fail.
Every day is a new opportunity to succeed. I felt deflated yesterday. I cried yesterday. Self pity is not pretty, but we all go through it. Today is a new day. I am planting new seeds.
Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. — Galatians 6:9 ESV
Yesterday afternoon I became deflated. I am 95 percent of the time a happy, encouraging person. I try to be that way with others, looking to the glass half full, to be positive. God has a plan, and I work that plan. I might not always agree with that plan, but I hang in there whatever the case might be.
And, I believe that He does have a plan. I just feel flat. That everything that I have worked for means nothing without a degree (work). Of course, where I work is a state college, and that degree matters, and I so know that! Don’t get me wrong. It takes courage to say this –I am sad.
I have a technical degree from (an accredited school) thirty years ago that won’t transfer. Again, that is okay. My past brought me here, and I am thankful of my path for it has made me who I am. But I am feeling worthless today.
I will be fine. I will get through this. There are much worse things out there, and we are fine!! I am not stating any of this for pity, or attention. I am stating this for reality. Because not everyday is bright and shiny. I treasure every moment, and love my struggles (even algebra). Oh, and I am still taking classes. I will get that degree – it may take me a while – but I will get it.
So, no pity. Just needed to vent. And this too shall pass.
I know that if I step out of my comfort zone, as safe and secure as it may be, I’ll grow as a person and learn more things. One of my professors is not only having me add people in my potential career field that I don’t know on LinkedIn, but also message them. And ask them to get coffee and chit-chat. Basically, “network”. I LOVE talking to people, but not when there’s pressure. This person may get me a job? What am I going to talk about?? What if I talk too much about myself or make too much eye contact and they think I’m weird??
This exercise is going to help, I know it is. I need to get over my somewhat irrational fear of thinking that I’m bothering someone when I don’t even really want to ask about potential jobs (note: it would be cool and I am accepting offers post-grad), but honestly I just want the information about what they do and how they got there. But they have no clue who I am or why I would care, so I’m going to have to make the first move.
Wish me luck, and feel free to give me some networking tips, or times you stepped out of your comfort zone for the better!
(Note from Mom: she can so do this!)
LSU Baseball…again…my weekend with Carmen after my 5k Lucky Leprechaun that morning, drove for 5 hours, then dinner. Yes, we had to eat. Then we went to see if there were any seats left at the game. Well, the rain helped for the empty seats, and the score did as well. We got in for free, and seats at 3rd base. Free seats weren’t bad at all. We even made it on National TV – ESPN – David recorded it on his phone. I am not sure why I am so wiggly…but Carmen and I make the same facial expressions. Yes she is mine, and I can’t deny it with this video!
We had a great time. Home, bed, and then up for the Founder’s Day events on Saturday. But first, selfies.Love her.
Motto for my daughters sorority is to “do good.” Being with her this past weekend has been wonderful. I got her this poster from Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign. It speaks volumes to me and to her. Do good. Do something. Do the most good with what you can.Sometimes we are not always able to do good, but you should be able to do the right thing. Have manners. Think things through. Love each other. Do good.