This past week was the anniversary of my Mom’s passing. It has been twelve years. I miss her.
I had a work trip in Tallahassee, and it went very well. I so wanted to call her and tell her everything that happened. Instead I rambled to Carmen and David, and they listened, laughed, and responded like I hope they would. Mom would have done the same thing, but…
I miss her stroking my hair. I would travel home for a visit, plop in front of her and her lazy-boy chair, and she would just begin stroking my hair. It was relaxing, calming, and re-assuring. Something so simple could mean so much.
I also miss her with my children. I love this picture of them. Her chocolate cake, and snuggles, spoils —like every grandmother should.
I received this card in the mail on Saturday from my surgeon’s office, Baptist Bariatric Center of Excellence.
I had just been questioning my weight loss. It is difficult not to see how far I have come, but how much farther I need to go. Always what else I need to do, not how much I have done. Do you do this? It doesn’t always have to do with weight loss. Oh the tricks that the mind plays.
This simple action, a card with my results in a picture, hit me hard. My arms are by my side, not hanging out. I have an actual neck. I can shop in a normal clothing store. I have lost weight. I am not huge anymore.
It is difficult not to see the fat me, but this helps.
I have been praying for answers for a long time now. I think we all do, in all aspects of our lives. I have been diagnoised with Lupus in May of 2008. Lots of steps in that direction, and more confusion. Yesterday I was diagnoised with Sjogrens Syndrome, and Raynauds. My new doctor is wonderful and ended my session with “you are weird.” Really? I have known that for a long while. I start Methotrexate tomorrow, and I am terrified. Terrified of what it will do to my body, and terrified what this disease has already done to my body and mind. I am positive to everyone, the majority of the time. God has provided me with a tremendous peace, and I do my best to portray God’s peace. It is so hard. Hard. I so want to scream, and kick, to be mad at God. Today, I had a precious friend call just to check on me. She cried when she heard what I am going through. I was strong with that conversation, but the moment I hung up, I cried. Terrified once again. I believe that I am saved by grace, and will be healed completely. There are moments of doubt when I try to control, but I come back to rejoicing in the Lord. Always. Phil. 4:4. Answers are only the beginning. Blessings. Jerry Ann
Today marks the fifth anniversary of my Mother’s passing. In so many ways, it seems like forever ago.
I sit here and think about all of the things she could help with, or be here for, and end up making myself more upset than normal. Stephen registered for his high school classes last night. Carmen has her Senior Cotillion in March, then graduating high school in May. Reconnecting with family in Texas. Big stuff. And then there are the things that she cooked or how she would do something.
Having lost her so early (she was 69 – me 39)–hurts, today especially. I would really love to hug her one more time, or have her play with my hair again. Yell at me or the kids for silly things. Even with it being difficult when I was young, she was a remarkable woman. I can say that now. I didn’t appreciate all that she did when she was here. Regret. Especially with things that she did and never spoke about. Things that I had no idea about.
Death is hardest on those it leaves behind.
She believed in a Savior that gives us eternal life. I believe in a Savior that gives me eternal life. I know where she is, and that she is no longer suffering. There are days that I just miss her. Today I miss her.
No words can describe what this man means to me and our family. David is strong, kind, caring, a true geek, sometimes cranky, handyman, outrageously funny, intelligent, witty, likable, and HE loves me. He is incredible with his step-children (although, he has never called them that), and a friend to them. There are moments that they just curl up beside him on the couch, and he just hugs them. Precious. He is someone they can go to for help, for advice, and at times, he makes me jealous of the relationship he has with them.
Both of us are strong people. I can be difficult, OCD and demanding. He loves me, and tells me to calm down. I listen. I am amazed that it has only been 4 years today that we have been together. It seems like he has been here forever, and other times not near long enough.
Happy Anniversary my love. I thank God daily for bringing you into our lives.
I can’t believe that I have been blogging for over a year. My first post was in March of 2009. My blog is just as I am, scattered and ADD. Thanks for hanging in there.
Today is a better day than yesterday. This weekend has been really difficult for me. Fatigue is at the worst…and I seem not to be able to sleep well at night. I pushed myself the past couple of weeks, and now I am paying for it. Yesterday was really bad. I was either on the couch or in bed. My hips and shoulders ache, and my ankles and wrists have a throbbing pain, that will come and go.
My goal today is to shower (I know), and maybe go the beach. I need a beach fix.
But, it is a good day, for I am up and trying to move. =)
Have a good day!
My wedding anniversary is today, August 20. It has been 3 wonderful years being married to my life partner. David was a friend that went away, and then came back just at God’s beautiful timing in my life.
We have had our moments of bliss. And, moments of severe pain. We are struggling with finances, as most newly marrieds do. But we are on the road to recovery. We don’t argue. I think that the most we have disagreed is 3 times. I am sure that I have frustrated him more than he says I do, and vice versa. But all in all, it is a good marriage.
Having two children in the mix, I thought it would be more difficult of a transition, but it hasn’t been. David and the kids getting along better than I could have ever imagined. David is normally the first one home, and the kids spill out their day to him, then by the time I am home they are done spilling.
Gifted we are. Blessed. God blessed us with David. He is an encourager, diplomat and the majority of the time a friend.
I thank God today for His gift of this marriage. I am blessed.
I wish you a beautiful day.